Collection agents are calling her daily. She went to a homeless shelter for her last meal. Most of her clothes have holes. Going shopping means a trip to Goodwill. She usually counts the change she has in her wallet to scrape together, what she calls, “grocery money”. And yes, in her 30’s, this hand-to-mouth hard living keeps her up at night sick with worry.
She is a musician- a very talented one. Low paying day-job by day, lower paying music jobs by night. She doesn’t do drugs or drink and is very careful with what little money she has from each pay check that does not go towards medical bills or her rent. Her family is dysfunctional- both verbally and physically abusive. One of her clearest family memories includes being punched in the face on her sisters wedding day, before walking down the aisle as the maid of honor. Thank God for makeup and the few hours it took for her black-eye to show.
But the most destructive abuse is her own- the part of her that does not feel she deserves to have a life doing what she loves because she does not feel worthy. She suffers from very low self-esteem.
Her inability to overcome her low self- esteem has given her the life that, in her mind up until now, she deserves. This is not new news. The blue angel has known for years, in her heart-of-hearts, that most everything in her life has to dramatically change to save her soul. She intellectually has understood it all. And yet her life, the one she herself describes as horrible, has been going on for years and years without one significant change- instead leaving her life filled with regrets.
But what is new news is, for the very first time, she is willing to do whatever it takes to transform her situation so that she can emotionally and financially flourish.
Just like peeling an onion, with tears streaming in plain view, she willingly is beginning to look at each layer of the dysfunction that has ruled her life, exposing all the pain that has lead her to a life of very low self-esteem.
Now, nothing will stop her from moving her life in the positive direction she needs to grow her self-worth. Why? Because this time, unlike every other time, she will allow others to help her on her journey. I bear witness to her amazing progress because I am one of her helping hands.
This Christmas, think about the blue angel and remember what I have told you about her. Why? Because next Christmas her life will be far from blue. This blue angel is about to learn how to change her blues into freedom. What might seem like a pretty desperate situation to you, is about to sprout wings.
I met her by chance at a music gig. She is an amazing musician.